The Honeymooners Classic
39 Audio Wav's (Page 2)
"Hello
Mom"
(N)
Hey Ralph, you didn't give me the friendly Raccoon
greeting... Whooo Woooo.. (R) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
(N) A three letter word for place of
dwelling.. house... H-O-S-E.
(N) That's the trouble with these things
Alice, there too easy. (A) Yea, easy, E-S-Y. (N) Boy you
must be a WIZ at these things.
(A) Ralph, a telegram could mean sickness
in the family or something.. (N) Hey Ralph what a eight
letter word for incognito? (R to A) You think it means
sickness?? (N) S-I-C-K-N-E-S-S yea that's it.
(A) Mother doesn't hate you Ralph. ( R)
Oh no? What about when we got married and she ran around
the reception telling that joke? (A) What joke? (R) You
know what joke. She went around tell everyone " I'm
not losing a daughter I'm gaining a TON".
(R & N) Nat burnbuam doesn't spell it
with a "G" etc......
(N to R-talking about his Mother in law)
And is She fat? from the front she looks like you from
the back.
(R) I wouldn't woo woo
you for anything! Never again will I woo woo you.. etc..
Hey Norton... woo woo
(A) what am I going to
tell my mother when she gets here and you're not here?
(R) What do I care what you tell her... Tell her I ran
away and joined the circus.. (A) What as? An elephant?
"A
Matter Of Record"
(A)
My mothers' coming all the way from Bensonhurst.
(R) There's a laugh where is Bensonhurst, in Newzealand
or something?
(R) Wel,l come on Norton do you wanna go or no?.
I can't use two seats.
(N) That's a matter of opinion, I'll manage to squeeze in
somehow.
(R)
I act the way I do because you mother is a blabbermouth!
(R)
Your mother is nosey Alice, NOSEY!
(Mrs
G) Alice you look thin are you getting enough to eat?
etc..
(Mrs. G) It wasn't
the uncle that commited the murder, it was the
husband.(R) YOU are a BLABBERMOUTH!!
(R) Norton? Come on down I wanna tell ya how it
all came out... COME ON DOWN NORTON!
(R) Get out Norton, you're a menace to me,
you're a menace to society and you're a stupid head. NOW
GET OUT!
(R) Don't touch me I'm measeled!!
"Here
Comes The Bride"
(N) May your life be rosie and bright, if you
take advice from and old married man you'll get outta
town tonight.
(R)You are the King of your castle..etc..
(R) Her foot slipped? Wish my foot could slip
like that I'd be playing center field for the NY Giants.
(Agnes)
He's a BEAST!
(R)
Ok lets go and ask him what made you change?.. (Ralph
thinks for a moment) (Rto A) Go ahead to bed.. (A) But
Ralph you just said. (R) GO TO BED..
Ralph give's his little speech about how he left
orders for the day and they were not carried out. and
Alices response is- (A) Now that you got your gas bag
filled why don't you blow away.
(R)
Don't talk to the master like that GET IN THERE AND GET
IT!
(N)
I see another one of your well laid plans the went to
POT!
"A
Womans Work Is Never Done"
Work1.wav Ralph: Do you see that? Do you
see those big letters? They're put on there purposely.
They say "hurricane." Hurricane! Do you know
why they're on there? So when I'm bowling and I'm on the
alley, people who are watching the game know which team I
am a member of. I'm a member of the hurricanes, alice.
How are they gonna know I'm a hurricane?
Alice: Just open your mouth.
Work2.wav--- Ralph: Just be a little
careful, alice. A little careful. Remember, the life you
save may be your own.
Work3.wav-- Alice: Right after you left
this morning, I got in one of those silly moods of mine.
You know how I get sometimes? So just for laughs, I
thought, "well, I'll do the breakfast dishes and
make the beds and take the garbage down." When I
came back, I was still in such a funny mood, I thought,
"why should I settle down to the drudgery of mending
your socks?" So I scrubbed the kitchen floor. Then,
you know something, I was still so giddy and gay over
this whole thing, that I thought, "I'm really
enjoying myself." So I washed all the windows. Then,
ralph, I went out and did the marketing, and I came back
with a pot roast, put it on the stove, and while it was
cooking, I cleaned out the bedroom closet. Now, I know
this may sound like work to you, ralph, but it isn'T.
It's fun! It's such good sport. Do you know why it's such
good sport, ralph? Because I'm so loaded with modern
conveniences. Just loaded. Steam irons and vacuum
cleaners and dishwashers and washing machines... to say
nothing of this lovely, new, modern refrigerator. Oh,
that reminds me. It's time to defrost it.
Work4.wav-- Alice: I'm the only girl in
town with an atomic kitchen. This place looks like yucca
flats after the blast.
Work5.wav--Ralph:I'll tell you how the
system's gonna work. If I come in here in the morning and
tell you to do something, and when I come back, if that
thing isn't done, you get one demerit. You'll get one
demerit every time you don't do something I tell you. You
know what happens when you get 10 demerits?
Alice: Don't you try to bully me, sergeant kramden.
Work6.wav--Alice: I have plenty to do
around this house all day, and you know it. You come home
after working an eight-hour shift, and you're absolutely
exhausted. Do you know how many hours I work a day? 24
hours a day, seven days a week, and I haven't had a day
off in 14 years.
Ralph: Uh-hahh...
Alice: Holidays are a double shift. There's an old, old
saying, ralph. "Man works from sun to sun, but
woman's work is never done."
Ralph: Good gosh.
Work8.wav--Tell me, mrs. Kramden, where
do you work?
Alice: At krausmeyer's bakery. My career... is stuffing
jelly into doughnuts.
Ralph: Also has a great sense of humor. You...[Muttering]
Work9.wav--Ralph:This is a maid? I
thought maids had short skirts with white hats and black
silk stockings.
Alice:Ralph!
Thelma:The chubby one's gonna be trouble.
Work10.wav--Thelma: I might as well tell you right now, I
can't do no heavy work. I'm sickly.
work11.wav--Thelma: All right then, here we go. You just
take this suitcase and off we go.
Ralph:You don't mean to say you think I'm going to carry
your bag.
Thelma: Would you like me to quit now?
work12.wav--Ralph: Well, here we are.
Thelma: If these are the servant's quarters, I quit.
work13.wav--Thelma: [Ting-a-ling-a-ling] If that's the
good humor man, get me a popsicle.
work14.wav--Norton: With my coffee, I would like one lump.
Thelma:You keep on ringing that, and you'll get one lump.
work15.wav--Ralph: This happens to be my guest, and I am
your employer!
Thelma: Some guest and some employer. The simp and the
blimp.
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